Why are there no happy poems they ask
When they see my anthology
But this is a happy poem I tell them
Don't put your sadness on me
A tale of a night on the town
A happy Easter Sunday night
When the Peckham Cowboys rode round
Real ale and music was the draw
A lonely night to kill
One, two, three, four
Line them up, check the score
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Ghost
I saw a ghost today
A memory of a life that could have been passed my way
The other side of the valley
My eyes could have deceived me
I guess that's why it's a ghost
maybe it was never there at all.
But what I do remember is riding right on by
Leave that life in the past
Where it can no longer hurt me
Some scars don't fade
When I close my eyes I can be there again
Terror in the dark of night
So why did I do it all over again?
But this time I passed on by
Exercise will exorcise this ghost.
A memory of a life that could have been passed my way
The other side of the valley
My eyes could have deceived me
I guess that's why it's a ghost
maybe it was never there at all.
But what I do remember is riding right on by
Leave that life in the past
Where it can no longer hurt me
Some scars don't fade
When I close my eyes I can be there again
Terror in the dark of night
So why did I do it all over again?
But this time I passed on by
Exercise will exorcise this ghost.
Monday, 25 March 2013
Heart Of Darkness
My heart is in darkness
I need love to light the way
Is this possible? In this time and place?
Am I wasting my time, my life, my fate?
The words drip onto the page
Trying to make sense of this waste of life
This new start, this opportunity,
This hell, this purgatory
One foot in the past, straddling the present, into the future
What future is this?
Which path to take? Where to lead?
I live the life of the poet
My words ease me as I leave this place
And for you, the words will guide you
Guide you in the ways of my heart
All these things locked up inside me
Playing out their parts
My loyal soldiers defend me
An impenetrable wall of spite
Of pointed sticks and burning oil
Protecting the treasures inside
Spiting all that might nourish and fulfill us
Resenting the world outside.
I need love to light the way
Is this possible? In this time and place?
Am I wasting my time, my life, my fate?
The words drip onto the page
Trying to make sense of this waste of life
This new start, this opportunity,
This hell, this purgatory
One foot in the past, straddling the present, into the future
What future is this?
Which path to take? Where to lead?
I live the life of the poet
My words ease me as I leave this place
And for you, the words will guide you
Guide you in the ways of my heart
All these things locked up inside me
Playing out their parts
My loyal soldiers defend me
An impenetrable wall of spite
Of pointed sticks and burning oil
Protecting the treasures inside
Spiting all that might nourish and fulfill us
Resenting the world outside.
The Girl With The Extra Beer v 2
The girl with the extra beer in her hand approached. It was for her brother, she explained, he was inside the tent watching Show of Hands. We were outside in the warm air, talking, dancing around each other, testing, probing. She had an extra beer, I had lager, in cans, hidden in various pockets.
"Are you single?", she asked me. Direct. Straight-forward.
"Yes", I lied. Lied? It was easy, I had been pretending for years. For I was in a relationship.
Long term with grief. Grief for a life I had lost. A family life, a way of life, a purpose.
I was an explorer here, looking for I don't know what. Something had drawn me here, something I had been looking for for so long.
Let's face it, I was in a field, wearing skinny jeans, a waist coat and a top hat, drinking wine from a flask and conversing with a guy dressed head to foot in lycra. What in heaven had brought me here, in the shadow of a cement works chimney? A random posting on a website, an obscure folk club who had booked the Crows and the Monkeys on the same bill - the thrill - what's not to miss? What did I have to lose that I hadn't lost already? Who could have foreseen what I might find. It's not always about losing.
We spent time together, the extra beer was delivered. I disappeared. Back into the crowd from whence she came. I don't remember how you found me, did we share a beer? I remember your friends around me. "Johnny Cash!" was here. Do you remember crazy campsite talking, of broken lights and Pink Floyd. JD & tea and random strangers and me?
I lit candles in the van, you wore pyjamas, I made more tea. Most importantly you trusted me, we talked of Shadows, Now, of travels and the sea. We slept, we woke, we dreamt of newspapers and pancakes, we basked in the morning sun and talked until we were free.
"Are you single?", she asked me. Direct. Straight-forward.
"Yes", I lied. Lied? It was easy, I had been pretending for years. For I was in a relationship.
Long term with grief. Grief for a life I had lost. A family life, a way of life, a purpose.
I was an explorer here, looking for I don't know what. Something had drawn me here, something I had been looking for for so long.
Let's face it, I was in a field, wearing skinny jeans, a waist coat and a top hat, drinking wine from a flask and conversing with a guy dressed head to foot in lycra. What in heaven had brought me here, in the shadow of a cement works chimney? A random posting on a website, an obscure folk club who had booked the Crows and the Monkeys on the same bill - the thrill - what's not to miss? What did I have to lose that I hadn't lost already? Who could have foreseen what I might find. It's not always about losing.
We spent time together, the extra beer was delivered. I disappeared. Back into the crowd from whence she came. I don't remember how you found me, did we share a beer? I remember your friends around me. "Johnny Cash!" was here. Do you remember crazy campsite talking, of broken lights and Pink Floyd. JD & tea and random strangers and me?
I lit candles in the van, you wore pyjamas, I made more tea. Most importantly you trusted me, we talked of Shadows, Now, of travels and the sea. We slept, we woke, we dreamt of newspapers and pancakes, we basked in the morning sun and talked until we were free.
Saturday, 16 March 2013
Scratchcard Scratching
Fuck , we won a tenner
Lets go on a beer bender she said
2 bottles of gem
A night to remember
Fuck that i said
Lets accumulate
10 more scratchies, a guaranteed win
A hundred grand
The world will be at our feet
Then we'll buy two gems
And drink them on the beach
It was a scatch card moment
A scratch card success
I never won a tenner
I never won the test
What now i thought
A life of gambling
Of scratch cards and horses
And a life of pre ambling
What shall we do now
With the tenner we won?
Who gives a fuck, let's celebrate
Let's have some fun!
Lets go on a beer bender she said
2 bottles of gem
A night to remember
Fuck that i said
Lets accumulate
10 more scratchies, a guaranteed win
A hundred grand
The world will be at our feet
Then we'll buy two gems
And drink them on the beach
It was a scatch card moment
A scratch card success
I never won a tenner
I never won the test
What now i thought
A life of gambling
Of scratch cards and horses
And a life of pre ambling
What shall we do now
With the tenner we won?
Who gives a fuck, let's celebrate
Let's have some fun!
Monday, 11 March 2013
The Girl With The Extra Beer
"Are you single?" She inquired
The girl with a beer in each hand
"Yes" the lie came out so easily
The way it has for so many years
None of this was planned
A chance meeting, in a field far away
My first time, her twenty fifth
The Crows and the Monkeys
My only reason for being here
A happy coincidence encouraged by Show of Hands
"Will you still be here when I get back?
This beer I have to deliver
My brother is waiting inside
Whilst we dance around each other out here."
The second lie followed as easily as the first
"Of course" before I melted into the crowd
But It wasn't long before you found me
My hiding places transparent to you
Maybe you could see through my lies
See the truth that lay beneath, concealed
And that's what intrigued you?
No, I'm not single
Not while I'm married to grief
I grieve for a life that has come and gone
And left me as empty as a shell on a beach
The indifference washes over me daily
I'm in here somewhere, I can feel me
Somewhere just beyond reach.
A great sadness fills my life
Long have we been together
A constant companion, my wife
Every day we tear each other apart
The only one who shares my head
No, I'm not teasing or just leading you on
I'm hiding something, holding it close
Like I have for so very long
I'm hiding so many things from you and the world
My life a slow burning hell
But here I am free for a moment
Here I play my part
I wish this moment lasts for ever
I'm the person I would be
If we could all make a new start
"Do you dance?" She asked me
Not yet had her fill of the lies
This time it came without a thought
Not even sure what this one was for
Maybe your expectation was too high.
I dance like there's no-one watching
But no-one can prove if I do
Do I dance? There's just one person who can decide that
I'll leave that answer to you.
"Will you kiss me?", the intrigue had grown too much
All the lies hadn't deceived you,
You needed to feel the truth
This man of mystery,
Of brooding emotion,
Of life unexplored
Of course I'll kiss you, but only when I'm sure
Sure that this will mean something
Not just a passing in the night
A moment of right or wrong
My memories already hold me enslaved
Am I sure I want to add your trust to my bloodied hands?
I came here to express freedom
Much practised throughout the year
I came to meet people
To push back my deepest fears
In that darkness you found me
The girl with the extra beer.
The girl with a beer in each hand
"Yes" the lie came out so easily
The way it has for so many years
None of this was planned
A chance meeting, in a field far away
My first time, her twenty fifth
The Crows and the Monkeys
My only reason for being here
A happy coincidence encouraged by Show of Hands
"Will you still be here when I get back?
This beer I have to deliver
My brother is waiting inside
Whilst we dance around each other out here."
The second lie followed as easily as the first
"Of course" before I melted into the crowd
But It wasn't long before you found me
My hiding places transparent to you
Maybe you could see through my lies
See the truth that lay beneath, concealed
And that's what intrigued you?
No, I'm not single
Not while I'm married to grief
I grieve for a life that has come and gone
And left me as empty as a shell on a beach
The indifference washes over me daily
I'm in here somewhere, I can feel me
Somewhere just beyond reach.
A great sadness fills my life
Long have we been together
A constant companion, my wife
Every day we tear each other apart
The only one who shares my head
No, I'm not teasing or just leading you on
I'm hiding something, holding it close
Like I have for so very long
I'm hiding so many things from you and the world
My life a slow burning hell
But here I am free for a moment
Here I play my part
I wish this moment lasts for ever
I'm the person I would be
If we could all make a new start
"Do you dance?" She asked me
Not yet had her fill of the lies
This time it came without a thought
Not even sure what this one was for
Maybe your expectation was too high.
I dance like there's no-one watching
But no-one can prove if I do
Do I dance? There's just one person who can decide that
I'll leave that answer to you.
"Will you kiss me?", the intrigue had grown too much
All the lies hadn't deceived you,
You needed to feel the truth
This man of mystery,
Of brooding emotion,
Of life unexplored
Of course I'll kiss you, but only when I'm sure
Sure that this will mean something
Not just a passing in the night
A moment of right or wrong
My memories already hold me enslaved
Am I sure I want to add your trust to my bloodied hands?
I came here to express freedom
Much practised throughout the year
I came to meet people
To push back my deepest fears
In that darkness you found me
The girl with the extra beer.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Quite What It Seems?
Appearences can be deceptive
A truism I know
A perfect form in a perfect place
The camera never lies
Yet we are all flawed
Putting our best face forward
Hiding what lies in our shadow
Being strong even though we are half destroyed
A truism I know
A perfect form in a perfect place
The camera never lies
Yet we are all flawed
Putting our best face forward
Hiding what lies in our shadow
Being strong even though we are half destroyed
Thursday, 7 March 2013
What Do You Do?
Who are you, what do you do?
I'm a poet, I use my words to move
To tell the story of my life
And the ever present shadow of my death
Of my sins and my hiding places
Of my joy and the love and the light
Come walk this journey with me
Between verse and line
From prose to page to agony
And ecstasy and a world we don't understand
If you look for me you will find me
We'll gather there
Out in the open spaces between the word and our minds
I'm a poet, I use my words to move
To tell the story of my life
And the ever present shadow of my death
Of my sins and my hiding places
Of my joy and the love and the light
Come walk this journey with me
Between verse and line
From prose to page to agony
And ecstasy and a world we don't understand
If you look for me you will find me
We'll gather there
Out in the open spaces between the word and our minds
Grey Day
The grey rain falls, a mist hangs in the air
Willow fish swing back and forth
Jimi sings on the radio
The air is cold, the floor is hard despite the cushion I sit on
My eyes burn, the ever present tears
Wait their turn that never comes
My jaw clenched, my knee aches
My body ages
I have been sat here for years but nobody finds me
They come, they go, they say hello but they don't see me
You've seen me
I thought I hid so well
There are others out there but I don't know how to reach them
I run, I hide, I don't belong here, there, anywhere
I eat, I sleep, I dream of a place that is warm and full of light
And no-one hides
We share, we love, we live
We are content, we are worthwhile
Maybe then it will be time for the tears to fall
When the world is free and light and I can forgive
And live the life I have inside of me
That only you can see.
Willow fish swing back and forth
Jimi sings on the radio
The air is cold, the floor is hard despite the cushion I sit on
My eyes burn, the ever present tears
Wait their turn that never comes
My jaw clenched, my knee aches
My body ages
I have been sat here for years but nobody finds me
They come, they go, they say hello but they don't see me
You've seen me
I thought I hid so well
There are others out there but I don't know how to reach them
I run, I hide, I don't belong here, there, anywhere
I eat, I sleep, I dream of a place that is warm and full of light
And no-one hides
We share, we love, we live
We are content, we are worthwhile
Maybe then it will be time for the tears to fall
When the world is free and light and I can forgive
And live the life I have inside of me
That only you can see.
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